Relieve my... impurity.
7:41 PM
just like so many other nights, i spent another wondering what ill do tomorrow.
How much longer do we have to suffer under this enormous weight?
thinking about whats going to happen when things change is frightening..
thinking about me blaming it all on him some day is dis-hearting..
how much longer do we have to carry this dead load..
He was angry..his usually calm eyes were filled with fury... a silent storm..his posture screaming a suppressed desire to destroy me..
he was breath taking..
after uttering my bittersweet words his face was priceless..
it was a pure expression of being aghast..
well, atleast taking a peek caused me a good amount of malevolence.
how much longer do i have to wait..
for these feeling to go away..
these feelings that i will never understand..
how much longer do i have to carry this enormous weight?
pretending to be sweet and innocent, pretending i know, pretending i want more..
pretending to understand, this will corrupt me.
it myt kill me.
how much longer do i have to drag this dead weight?
reality seems to be a nice way of saying tragedy.
people are vain and cruel.
i bought a suckers dream... a corny con job. there is no love, its just a nightmare.
life sucks and then you die, no matter how much you think you are in love and you would die for that cause... the truth is every one ends up ALONE!
ooookay lloosing control.
but still... there is no such thing as happy endings.
but when it comes ryt down to it. i think my friend was ryt..
once everything had calmed down and my head was clear i knew what i had to do..
i knew it as soon as she said it but i didnt like it so i refused to accept it.
but... if i was going to have to suffer forever then i wanted just one moment.. to.. .
but this is all ll tell you.. when you see a person with blank eyes.. and pretentious smiles, the person you know is fake.. just like the boy i knew was fake (even if i didnt think his smile was pretentious.) when his sister told me this, i didnt understand it, her calmness left me numb.. that i didnt know anything about his true self. but i know now.. i guess i do.
but im just his type.. a heartless bitch.
