Sunday, May 23, 2010

Listen

11:24 AM

i shouted.. seemd heartless.. i cried out.. it was wordless.. now ill just keep listening to this hopeless world..

i DONT remember you.. I dont WANT to remember you. I dnt evn remember your face anymore..
with all my memories washed away.

Keep trying to find the reason for me living. i ran out of survival.
come to think of it, was i ever loved?

i will never try to find my way to you.
slowly turning my sorrow into strength.. i will reach my destiny, as another day goes by.. i live another day just waiting to die.

I want to be there in the stream of eternity, just to know what it feels like to be alive

my wounds wont heal. i wont wipe my own tears, ill just go crazy.

i forgot why i loved you in the first place.. there was a reason i suppose.i will never try to find you.

will the future me be laughing at this post?

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Saturday, May 22, 2010

premonition

2:49 PM

This is just the front and even now
Im just toying with you 
you dont catch on to a love
freezing in minus tempratures.

To a wordless you with wordless love,
i give wordless discomfort
for a wordless me with a quiet love,
a wordless scar

Youre the eighteenth one
you havent caught on to me
ive betrayed with kindness
and iced over love

For quiet you, with quite love,
I kill the quiet comfort,
for quiet me, with quiet love,
a quiet scar.

*unreturning, unreturnable, wordless scar.
quiet, quietly the two of us unentwine.

for a wordless mind, a quiet heart,
I'll turn against your heart.
your heart is wordless, and quiet,
even if i continue toying with your heart.

even if you catch on to me someday,
i'll be fine as long as im by my own side.
i held you for the last tym without know it was the last.

Unreturning unreturnable wordless love
quiet, quietly the two of us unentwine

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Friday, May 21, 2010

I mean reaaly now

5:04 PM

Math is driving me insane and im actually obsessing about it.
why dont i just die
my teacher tells me bunk more classes and i wont give u any extra classses
plus im sufferring big tym
why dont i just die
guy with hair on his chin is driving me insaaaaaaaannnneeeee hes flitting in and out thru my mind, plus that scar.
whatevr
i think
guesso..
don'know,
Im completely broke i think i have to sell some stuff to keep going on. (did i mention there is ANOTHER guy with hir on his chin that reminds me of THE guy with hair on his chin [m*v i know ur laughing ur still staring.])
when my dad comes back i cant do stuf i keep doing and he grounds me NOW so he doesnt have to face the riot later when he comes back... he's still facing the riot.
chacha gets all the power all of a sudden because dads gone. i mean im a kid but this CONTROLLING is getting on my nervs. its not like i do anything HARMFULL... anymore.... pfft!
im being a spoiled brat....... ....

Im getting rat phobia somehow. their are rats in my cousins home. RATS. i hate rats. istepped on one this one tym. it didnt die.. amazing.




WWWHHHYY dont i just die... i mean.. if god cared more i wudve threatend him.. "god make my life easier or else ill kill myself.. and keep burning in hell and going thru the same pain ovr and ovr again.. wont it hurtt you?? your child burning and suffering??"

hell who am i kidding if i had more faith he'd probably make my life better.. i think.

i wont die now tho. still got loads of boredom to face.. much more mind rambling.. much more of signing papers and math. much more of mum and my sistr.
i hope this ends soon tho,, shit i hate being so emo.
i wud ramble on and on but i guess m going to die in a more realistic fashion.. sleep. if i can manage it.

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